Write From Karen

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**EDIT: Time is ticking. Moms, are you feeling all warm and gooey inside? You should because May is all about you. Why don’t you take a few moments to articulate those feelings and write about them? And then, come back here and leave that link for a chance to win a great prize!

IT’S TIME FOR A GIFT FOR MOM! Please steal this button and spread the word! The more mom’s who participate, the more fun this will be!

Copy and paste the code below:

(This graphic is hosted through Flickr. Apparently, this causes problems for some people. If the above code doesn’t work, please feel free to copy the graphic to your own picture host and post on your blog).

Attention Moms: Are you ready?

All you have to do is write a post (to be eligible for a prize, the entry MUST be 250 words - and yes, I’ll be checking word counts ) about what being a mom means to you, OR, if you’re not a mom, write about what your mom means to you. Post your entry to your blog (along with pictures, if you wish), then come back here and put the permalink in the Mr. Linky box.

Beginning May 12th, I will randomly draw one name for five days. The winners will receive one of five gifts.

May 17th, I’ll draw one more name, the winner will receive a customized Write From Karen journal. Perfect to keep in your purse and jot down quick notes!

To satisfy everyone’s curiosity about who received what (and to give the winners time to RECEIVE their gifts and not spoil their surprise), I’ll post the winners along with their prizes on May 26th.

Sound like fun? OF COURSE it does!

This contest is only open to U.S. addresses. My humble apologizes to my International friends, but these prizes are bulky and heavy and would cost too much to ship outside the United States - I’m so sorry.

You can find guidelines and rules here. Any questions? Please feel free to contact me.

“Seasonale, fewer periods, more sex, er, possibilities.”

Watch this television ad to first get it, then watch the Saturday Night Live clip below to REALLY get it.

Okay, it’s Saturday Night Live so really, what do you expect? But oh my gosh! This is funny stuff. And just in time for Mother’s Day, eh fellas?

But seriously, I do wonder where all the excess hormones go on this program.

Can you IMAGINE when it IS that time?! I would totally be Tina Fey’s character with the ax.

For real. Just ask my husband.

This was originally posted March 6, 2006. I love this baby’s face. I thought this would be fun to reprint in honor of Mother’s Day.

Taking a random photograph from Flickr and weaving a short story around it. It’s Picture Fiction!

Please, stop making that hideous face at me. Why do you keep making such ugly faces? Do you enjoy shocking me? I won’t cry, I won’t! I’m a big boy now – I can take abuse.

And why do you keep hanging around here anyway? I see this wonderful woman holding me all day every day, but you, you seem to pop up at strange and inconsistent times. I see you shortly after I wake up in the morning and then shortly before I close my eyes for the night. Sometimes, but not often, I hear your voice as I’m trying to drift off for my afternoon nap. But seriously, dude, who are you??

You can’t have her. She’s mine. She’s all I’ve got. She takes care of me. She makes me laugh when I’m feeling bored/hungry/tired/wet.

I’ll be nice. She seems to like you, though I’m not sure why. You’re ugly. I hate to be rude, but those ears? Were they attached recently? Because they’re all red and splotchy and really, I can’t stand to look at them.

You’re talking. At least, I think that’s the gibberish I hear coming from your mouth. I see your lips moving … and speaking of lips. Have you never heard of Chapstick? Why are they scaly? She doesn’t have scaly lips; in fact hers are smooth and quite nice. I especially like when she presses them against my belly and hums. It makes me giggle.

You do not make me giggle. I don’t like you. Please go away. And please, close your mouth. You’re teeth are awful. I thought teeth were supposed to be white. Hers are white, and very straight. Yours look like they came in from all directions. What are you doing here?

WHY are you making faces at me? I’ll cry, I swear! You won’t like it. It’s not a pleasant sound. It’ll make your ears bleed and your eyes pop out of your head. I wouldn’t recommend making me cry! It …

But wait! If I cry, then she will make you go away. On second thought …

Use your school initials, your graduating year and school colors to make key rings for your graduate. This would be cute hanging on the outside of a gift - talk about a personalized touch!

You Need:

Key Ring
Pony Beads in School Colors
Letter Beads and Number Beads
4′ Satin Cord

Instructions:

Fold cord in half and half hitch to a key ring by placing the folded end down through the ring and drawing the cord ends down through the folded end loop.

String the top bead onto both cords and push up to the safety pin. Lace the first row of three beads onto one cord. Lace the other cord through the same beads in reverse order. Pull both cords snugly. Continue with the next row of three beads until you have laced all the rows.

String the bottom bead onto both cords and push up to the last row. Tie off. Lace two pony beads on each cord. Tie off. Trim cords.

This is one of my favorite pictures of me and MK. MK is about two (or is he three?) here and you see that cloth diaper he has clutched in his chubby little fists? He sucked on those babies - he wouldn’t touch a pacifier with a ten-foot pole.

He also had white hair. I had white hair when I was little, so did my husband.

We’re all brunettes now.

I was reading the weird news stories on my local newspaper’s website when I stumbled onto OzarksMoms.com. This is a blog, sponsored by our newspaper, that area moms can post on to connect with other moms.

One of the posts was: It’s Official, I’m a Dork!

Here are some of the stories that made me smile:

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I didn’t hear my alarm this morning, I know, terrible mom. I think it has something to do with the baby waking up at 2:30 this morning because of her raging ear infection and the fact me and her watched 300 in it entirety. So I was up at 8:25, screaming like a banshee trying to get the other ready and out the door(school starts at 8:45). At 8:55 we pull into the lot and my son points out theres not alot of cars, do I listen???? We pull up to the front door and the janitor came out and met us. “School’s closed today” he says. Good god, I hope he doesn’t know who I am, lol. My son is quite upset cause he could’ve slept in.

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I wore two different shoes to church on Sunday.

No kidding. The really crazy part of this story? I discovered it while I was sitting in a circle in Sunday School. Good grief! I spent the rest of the class trying to hide my feet.

I put them on in the dark garage. Funny thing is, my dd asked me to turn the light on so she could find her shoes. I answered: “No problem, I’ll help you find them.” So when I showed her my feet during church. She laughed, rolled her eyes, and said, “I told you to turn the light on!”

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One night I was getting ready for bed and when I took my shirt off I realized I’d been wearing it inside out all day long. Not a big deal at home, but I’d gone to class that way. I’m sure the students behind me thought I was the biggest dork ever.

I caught GD’s shirt on inside out the other day. I didn’t have the heart to tell him he wore it like that to school. He would have died of embarrassment. Maybe the kids thought it was “cool.” LOL

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B/c I’m not so, ahem, well endowed, I wear WonderBras. Well, some of them have “cookies” inside the cup (very small little pad that you can take out if you choose). Well, several years ago I was sitting at my desk at work, & I felt something hit my lap. I looked down, & one of those cookies at worked it’s way out & fell through my shirt onto my lap. OMG!!! Thankfully, I was working in a cubicle so no one saw it, but I was laughing so hard I was in tears as I ran to the restroom to fix it!

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My 7 yr old was begging to buy some books at his school’s book fair one evening. I had left my purse in the van and told him to stay put while I went and got it. I opened the driver’s door, leaned over the driver’s seat and started searching for my purse. I was picking things up, tossing them here and there, getting very agitated that I couldn’t find my !@#$ purse that was right here when I got out. It was when I tossed a large tennis shoe, that I thought HUH? WHO’S STUFF IS THIS??? That’s when it hit me…

It wasn’t my van.

ROFL! I’ve gotten into a strange car before. Luckily, I realized it before trying my key and I quickly exited. Not TWO minutes later, the owner of the car arrived. I don’t think they saw me, but I can’t swear to it!

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Okay readers, time to fess up. What are some of your dorky stories?